Reflection #1 - PHPC 110: Existentialism/Phenomenology/Hermeneutics
Kumusta Ako: How am I in this Time of Pandemic?
The COVID-19 pandemic is still on-going, and various variants of the virus have sprung up over the course of this crisis. Albeit the assurances of healthcare experts on vaccine efficacy and on the weakening status of COVID variants, I still get the feeling that this pandemic is not ending anytime soon. I might sound pessimistic (because honestly, I am) but I still believe that the time will come for this plague’s ending, and all will rejoice. However, as humanity awaits for such euphoric achievement when COVID is over, the traumatic and depressing damage still prevails. With this, certain feelings and emotions are evoked in me which lead me to a realization about existence: existence is chaos.
As I have learned in the different philosophy classes, existence has a lot of connotations. My main understanding of what it means to exist or to be is to be present—that is, to live in the present, or in the current world. As the Heideggerian concept of Dasein suggests, man is a being-in-the-world and a being-with-others, I am led to act in the world and become affected by it. With the current situation we have, I cannot but be engrossed in life’s chaos; I cannot just turn a blind eye to the predicament of our time. This chaos compels me to “give a damn” to almost anything and anyone who needs it.
Over the course of the summer vacation, I imposed a self-quarantine where I only go out to buy groceries or during weekends when I go to the Parish to help in the convent. I had more time for self-reflection, and I was able to realize something about the chaotic nature of existence (probably on my existence). The reason why I chose to isolate myself most of the time was because I feared the threat of COVID. My immune system is weak and if ever I had gotten the virus, every member of our family would be vulnerable; our business might be hurt and our day-to-day living might be affected. The downside of this is that the isolation led to desolation and to a little bit of anxiety and depression. I then thought that there are also other people who might be experiencing what I had been experiencing, some mental health complications that were brought about by the quarantine. Existing in this time of a pandemic is not just difficult, it is chaotic. The different restrictions we encounter limit us in ways. People find day-to-day living problematic; socialization is put on a halt; jobs are affected and many parents could no longer provide the daily needs of their family. Contracting the virus has a lot of implications as it puts everyone and everything around you at risk. One might overthink things and find oneself in the face of uncertainty on when all the chaos will stop and be compelled to embrace the absurdity of life.
However, I believe that there is a remedy of some sort to this chaos—faith. I think that it is faith that helps one make sense of the chaos. It must have been faith that saved me from falling into the darkest void, from getting swallowed by my anxieties. Obviously, this faith that I have is my faith in the loving God. But, I do not think that this faith is only limited to or applicable to theists/believers. The object of this faith could be faith in science, in humanity, etc. One’s faith in science might ease one’s anxiety of the ever-growing threat of COVID and its variants. One’s faith in humanity might relieve one’s anxiety of not being able to face the crisis as one specie. Honestly, I have doubts on whether God even hears the cry of His people right now (or maybe He is just deafened either by our asking too much or by the arrogance of men?), but rest assured that I am holding on to my faith.
Faith is not really the solution to chaos as it is just the remedy. It does not magically untangle the chaotic reality. What it does is that it helps us to try and make sense of the chaos. I think that in my realization of this chaotic existence that I am living in, faith became what I cling or turn to. Having faith in something does not suppress or blind me from the pains I experience. Rather, it jumpstarted my drive to live and to carry this heavy luggage on the journey. Faith gave me a sense of understanding on the difficulties and chaos that I experience, be it physically or mentally. I think, with faith, I now know what I am really fighting for.
Every realization and reflection on the question “Kumusta ako?” made me think that I am not alone in feeling all the negative circumstances brought about by the pandemic. Going back to Heidegger’s Dasein, I exist with others who are experiencing what I am going through and that they might have it worse. Everyone right now, I believe, are undergoing some form of chaos. I am then inspired to go on living, to make sense of my chaos, and to direct it to serve others. For what good is having faith if it is not put to good use?
My response for the question posed (“Kumusta ako?”) would be:
“I am in chaos right now, but I still have faith.”