Reflection #3 - PHPC 107: Metaphysics
AGAPEIC ASTONISHMENT & EROTIC PERPLEXITY
Still on the topic of William Desmond’s Metaphysics, we talked about the sources of Metaphysical Thinking, specifically Astonishment and Perplexity, as agapeic and erotic respectively. What Desmond says about the ‘agapeic astonishment’ is that it is because it arises from a surplus/excess out of which an affirmative movement of mind as self-transcending emerges. This arising movement of self-transcendence is not only for itself but for the other, for the other is for itself and always irreducible to what is for the self.
Agape is a term which refers to love. From what I understand, agape is also the term for describing a love that is unconditional. This reminds me of God. I think that because God himself does not love with any stipulations or prerequisites. The same as through with being. Being is given to us. That word ‘given’ there signifies that it is freely imparted. The word used to describe being is not ‘sold’ or any other words that suggests having some sort of trade or payment.
With this givenness, we are astonished. It is agapeic for in astonishment, we simply gaze on being and not think of anything like what we can take from it or the benefits we could extract from it. It is like God’s love for us, or should I say, it is like God himself for He is Love. I am reminded again of responding to a priestly vocation – it does not start with an action like the response of the called one, but rather with amazement. With this call, (figuratively speaking) it is not really the mind that acts first but the heart. From the way I see it, this original astonishment before being is not really an act of the mind not just because there is no definite cognition whatsoever, but because it is the heart’s.
Another point discussed is on perplexity being erotic. It is erotic because it arises out of a troubled lack and desire. There is ignorance, for one lacks definite understanding of the other that is given. There is also a desire to overcome this ignorance. It is erotic as well because now, unlike in Astonishment, one transcends to the other not just for the sake of the other but for the sake of satisfying that lack. The word erotic nowadays is usually used in a different manner. It now has something to do with sexual desire or excitement. Eros has something to do with desire and erotic has something to do with sex. Even upon hearing of Desmond’s erotic perplexity made me think as well of sex.
This kind of thinking made me realize that sex should be like this erotic perplexity, where there is a lack and a desire to satisfy that lack. This lack, for me, is a lack for ‘connection’. I think that to find some sort of connection is a human need. Not just any kind of connection, but an intimate and meaningful one where judgment, biases, and prejudices are all put on a halt. This lack then could be fulfilled through having that connection. With this in mind, I come to reflect on how people view sex nowadays. I have observed that sex nowadays is taken for granted by most people. It is also seen by some as dirty. I believe that sex is beautiful and should be seen not just for the sake of satisfying one’s flesh but also for the desire to make meaningful connections.
With agapeic astonishment and erotic perplexity, I am also brought to reflect on seminary life. I believe that seminarians responded to God’s call like that of being in an agapeic astonishment. As I have mentioned above, responding to a priestly vocation starts with this astonishment. In order for a seminarian to thrive in the seminary, he must always have this agapeic astonishment in his heart. Although he must have become perplexed after ‘hearing’ the call, he must always carry the original astonishment with him.
His response is just like a mixture of the two, and not like a stage where he starts with agapeic astonishment and end with erotic perplexity. I think he tries to respond to the call, not because of his own selfish motivations but because of his amazement. He then enters the seminary and becomes a seminarian. He then tries to discern for this call. There is a lack of knowing this Divine Caller, and there is a longing in the seminarian’s heart to satisfy this lack. I am speaking here from my own experience. It is because now I am on my second year of formation in the seminary and I could not even still fathom this call. I do not have any sort of ‘mystical’ experience or a definite starting point where I can say that this is where my vocation story started. I just know I am astonished and perplexed of this God and I am trying to scratch this metaphysical ‘itch’ called vocation.